Dumb Sports Rules Part 2

b0a0d113cf7a875d9e4d62122f3f6bdfCredit: Nickelodeon

After reading my article from last week regarding dumb sports rules that I want, Adam Silver, Roger Goodell, and Rob Manfred all reached out to me and told me that I could do whatever I wanted with their respective league’s rulebook.  So, I am back with more dumb sports rules that I want.

Basketball: Make each game “First to 21”

This rule will be an effort to improve the defense across the league.  In case you were wondering: no, it will not just be one game to 21, win by two of course.  It will be the first team to win four games to 21.  This will incentivize locking down all the time, instead of just when the game is close.  It will also allow for more sweeps, which will allow for more trash talking regarding said sweeps.  One downside may be that there would be less basketball played in a sweep.  To that, I say, “tough.”  Inversely, if it goes to seven games then you will get much more basketball.  I’ve discussed this with Adam Silver and he loves it.

Football: Change rules to increase blocked kicks

This one is going to be more of a logistical problem than anything else.  The rule will be that each team is allowed to have one player suspended between the uprights to block kicks that are kicked at them.  However, the player who is suspended between the uprights will not switch sides each quarter.  That means that a team may be kicking at its own player, in that case, the player will have to figure out how to dodge a ball kicked right at him.  Roger Goodell and I are still deciding whether the player will be suspended, motionless right in the middle, or if he will be hanging down by a wire so he may swing back and forth if he so pleases.  Roger and I think this will be a huge improvement to the current, lackluster sport that we know as football.

Baseball: Pitcher’s Poison

You may think that you know where this is going, but I promise, you have no idea. Anyone who has ever played wiffleball knows what pitcher’s poison is, but this will be a slight change from that.  This pitcher’s poison will allow a pitcher to poison an opposing hitter if they are mashing him.  This will only be able to be used once a game and it will only temporarily incapacitate the hitter.  Where this really gets interesting is the strategy that could be involved in it.  The obvious use would be on a player who is hitting very well, i.e. Barry Bonds.  However, in the National League, it could be used against a pitcher who is pitching very well, thus rendering him useless on the mound.  The actual specifics of the poison have not yet been decided, but Rob Manfred and I have our top scientists on it.



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